While this book seems like a lighthearted lampoon on the practice of doing affirmations, at the
same time it serves as a giggling spotlight on the foibles of human nature. Indeed, it seems that
quite a few people must be using some of these affirmations. As an example, I opened this book
at random and found this little gem: “Today I will develop a new, unhealthy communication
technique.” Why, I have a neighbor who must repeat this affirmation quite often!

So what does this have to do with the Tarot? Since I have written a serious work on this subject
-- my
Tarot Affirmations book  -- I thought it might be fun to write a list of humorous Tarot
affirmations as well, so here they are. (Remember now, these affirmations are strictly for fun,
kids, so don’t try them at home!)

0. Fool: “I have such firm belief in the path I have chosen that I may confidently tell someone
who has chosen another path that he is a Fool.”

1. Magician: “It’s all about me.”

2. High Priestess: “I will remain aloof and secretive so people will think I am deep and wise.”

3. Empress: “I deserve to just sit around and wallow in self-indulgence.”

4. Emperor: “I will, in all ways, strive to exert control over the lives of those around me.”

5. Hierophant: “My beliefs are the right ones, and it is my destiny to impose them on the rest of
the world.”

6. Lovers: “I will only commit to a relationship when I find one that is perfect in every way.”

7. Chariot: “Today I will trample the needs of others in my mad dash for success.”

8. Strength: “When I hear someone say something stupid it is my right to put them down and
shut them up.”

9. Hermit: “Since I am all that I need, it is my right to maintain a discrete distance from all the
idiots in the world.”

10. The Wheel of Fortune: “Shit happens, so I give myself permission to shirk responsibility for
my life.”

11. Justice: “Two wrongs will not make a right, but getting back at someone will make me feel

12. Hanged Man: “Today I will find a passive-aggressive way to make someone else feel guilty
about all the suffering in my life.”

13. Death: “I work to help the people around me transform their lives so that they may better
accommodate my needs.”

14. Temperance: “I serve as an example of virtuous and temperate behavior so that I may chide
all who fail to live up to my high standards.”

15. Devil: “Today I will nurture my inner demons.”

16. Tower: “I have every right to feel secure in the ability of my material wealth to protect me
from life’s calamities.”

17. Star: “Today I will commit to at least one unrealistic goal.”

18. Moon: “Today I will find new and interesting ways to delude myself about my life.”

19. Sun: “Since I deserve boundless joy and happiness, I give myself permission to experiment
with anti-depressants.”

20. Judgement: “Today I will find at least one unhappy, unfortunate person whose shortcomings
I can criticize with a justifiable sense of superiority.”

21. World: “Every day, and in every way, I am becoming better and better than everyone else.”

So there you have it -- bleak and dreadful affirmations for each of the 22 Major Arcana cards.
Perhaps someday I will add 56 more to cover the Minor Arcana, probably starting with the
Swords cards, since they seem particularly well suited for this kind of thing.
Humor continued on the next page
The Tarot images and all other content on this page are © James Ricklef.
A bit of Tarot Humor ... Page 1
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Demons card from Tarot of the Masters